


Canvas

by Freakinme



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freakinme/pseuds/Freakinme
Summary: Yongguk's future is like a canvas. Sometimes it has colors, sometimes it's black, in other time it's white.





	

There were days when his mind was clear to think, bright enough to let the positive thoughts overflow his system and he would drowns himself in bubbly songsㅡsometimes inspirational, fight song he loved. Those times he pictured himself sitting at dining table, reading morning news while listening in amuse to two childrenㅡhis own twin children with his very own DNA in themㅡfighting over the last piece of cookie in a jar. The room smelled like a burning toast and brewed coffee made by a machine he bought last week on TV-shopping. A beautiful woman in her mid-30 came to his sight, holding a cup of warm coffee that gave him a pleasant feeling. She put the coffee in front of him, taking a seat with a playful smile. He loves her habit to tuck her hair behind her ear before she spoke. She told him to not coming home late because it was the twins birthday and he said yes, grinning playfully as he listened to his twins shouting excitedly about what gifts they want for their birthday. It was a beautiful picture, painted in whiteㅡlike the curtain that being illuminated by morning lightㅡand a tint of brown of the dining table. Those times made Yongguk slightly regretted his decision in turning down every dating proposal he got from his friend and his family. But he couldn't help for he had so many dreams aside from that, a big dream where world would be at peace and he was eager to make it true before he finally put down his mic and raised his own family. He would make his future come true. 

* 

There were days when he locked himself, crouching on the corner of his dimly lit bedroom. His shoulders were slouched, wrapped in thick blanket while his feet sprawled carelessly. Bad thoughtsㅡcoming from his anxiety and depressionㅡclouded his mind and everything seemed bleakㅡand scary. He wanted to disappear, nothing made him happy anymore, just tiring him out, worrying him into the point he couldn't munch his food anymore. He was lacked of inspiration, thinking about any ambition just made him frustrated even more for it wouldn't happen like what he wanted and he really hated that. He saw nothing but blackㅡusually he saw black and white, he loved it but only black suffocated him. His breathing was racing as the black fog grew bigger in his mind, swallowing his sanity into nothing. Zero. Those times he cried in silence, mourning for his helpless future. 

*

He found help, more likely he finally seeked for help. The black fog was too thick that he gradually got absorbed into it, losing himself in bleak future but one day people around him held onto his hand and managed to pull himself out of it. And as much as he wanted to disappear, he still held onto their hands. It felt nice, truly exhausting but nice. He was ready to fight and even his anxiety couldn't tell him otherwise. People around him made him sure that they would stand with him. They made him feel safe, it was one of his source of strength. Then gradually he got better, even though he had to experience a downpour in the process but the cloud was disappeared after the rain and sun finally shined again. It felt like a new start and the picture of his future was white as a new canvas again.  

He still couldn't paint any picture on the canvas, but surely he would make a beautiful picture one day. This time, he would take it slow. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda gloomy and I wanna write something angst but also I wanna this to be a assurance that things will be alright. It's like writing what I feel for now, things might be tough but it will pass, everything will be alright :D I am truly sorry if I hurt anyone in this fic  
> I will write a banglo fic as continuation


End file.
